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Every year, I like to phase gently out of the previous year and into the new year by reflecting on my past year. Little did I know I could be a totally new person this year. Usually I’m pretty impressed by my accomplishments and find they can definitely define the power of a year in ones life. So how did 2015 stack up? Not so great.
It seemed liked I was going through the motions of life, but not really living them in the moment. My attention span seemed to be that of a gnat. I couldn’t make a sound decision even if my life depended on it. I had fallen down the rabbit hole of depression, retirement, getting older by the minute, my body declaring war on itself and my mind turning to mush. Worse of all, I didn’t have the power nor desire to do anything about it.
Toward the end of January a few rays of sunshine managed to show through the dark clouds. During one of those moments I decided to have my computer updated and put a larger hard-drive in it. I was actually looking forward to the promise of additional speed it would have. I wasn’t looking forward to finding all the files I would need to review 2015. At the appointed time the computer person showed up and started work. Ten hours later, he was still working. I was so exhausted I was beyond coherent He started babbling non stop about what all still needed to be completed, non of which I understood. I remember telling him he would need to make another appointment to finish it up. Then he asked for a bottle of water so I went to the kitchen to get it. I was so afraid that he would just stay seated in my office that I gave the water to my husband and asked him to see the computer guy out. I think I was sound asleep before Ray shut the front door.
The next morning I got up and went into my office for something on my desk. When I returned to the kitchen and asked Ray what happen to my computer, portable drives and flash drives he told me the gentleman had taken them with him. When I called the office to see what time he was going to drop my computer off he said he would call me. He never called me, but I sure called him a lot, with zero satisfaction. After four days law enforcement got involved. On day six he showed up just before midnight with computer in hand. When I opened it up the next morning there was not a file or program on it. Nothing! As for the drives, very little was left on them. There you have it, problem solved when it came to locating all those 2015 files.
Emotionally and mentally I finally crashed and burned the first week of February and did everyone a favor by staying in bed with the covers over my head. The second week of February I loss a dog fur-child named Coco. That was my breaking point, I couldn’t take anymore, or so I thought. By the third week of February my Lupus and Fibromyalgia were flaring big time and I couldn’t get up on my own. From that point until the end of March I don’t remember much at all. I know EMS was here a lot and I vaguely remember the ER’s running through my mind.off and on.
As the fog began to clear and I started recognizing things around me I had a million questions, with the first one being “what is all this hospital equipment doing here?” Each day provided a new victory. Remarkably, my mind was slowly returning and emotionally I had let go of the hate and anger of the situation.
By mid April I started searching for ways to extend this new found calm and enriched living. I couldn’t get out but Amazon could come to me with the books I needed. The urge to reflect hit again, only this time it was about the person I was and the person I have become. I wonder if the Holly from 2015 would be friends with me now? Actually the better question is, would I want to be friends with the Holly from 2015? Hum, I doubt it.